I’ll be honest, I wonder why you don’t.
Most of my friends breastfeed, so we sit around while nursing our babies and commiserate about teeth marks and pumping. This is our way of bonding.
I don’t know how to do that with you.
Without knowing why you use formula, it’s hard for me to approach the situation. I would just avoid it completely, but it inevitably comes up.
If you wanted to breastfed and couldn’t, I’m sorry. I know using formula isn’t always a choice. I mourn your loss of that choice with you.
If you had the choice and chose formula, or formula and breast milk, I know that must have been the right choice for you and your baby.
I don’t talk about it when we are in person though, because I don’t want to offend you. I don’t want to feel compelled to spew off a list of reasons why breastfeeding can be hard sometimes. Even when it is hard, it is what I have chosen. I don’t want to feel like I should apologize for that.
I don’t know what to say to you when the topic comes up in conversation. I’m not going to say, “It’s okay.” because you don’t need my validation for how you parent and care for your child. I don’t see myself as a judge over other mothers. I don’t want you to think I’m curious because I want to know if your reasons are “good enough”.
I just want to be friends and to support you in your parenting endeavors. Breastfeeding is a significant part of my identity as a mother, but I don’t expect everyone to do it.
I don’t want to cause you pain or say the wrong thing, so I try not to say anything at all.
Dear Formula Mom:
How do we get past the wall between us? I want to be friends and I want to support you.
New Crunchy Mom
Facebook told me it has been 5 days since I posted anything… :O Oops! I did not drop off the face of the earth, although it sure looks that way. 😉
Bubba and I have been busy napping, getting used to New Crunchy Dad’s new work schedule, going to the doctor and washing cloth diapers. 🙂
We got to go on a last minute play-date yesterday and we had a lot of fun! We went to the library with some other little boys.
And I got to spend time with another mom, which was nice.
We talked about everything under the sun, basically. We caught up on each other’s lives and I mentioned there had been some drama going down, almost every day, on the mommy groups I am in online. She nodded and said she had noticed the same thing this past week.
I said, “I just don’t understand the mommy wars.”
Why are moms so mean to each other?
Just because someone does or doesn’t do something with their kid doesn’t mean that they are judging another person for doing the opposite.
We are moms. We make mistakes. But come on, let’s support each other. Our children are different people, with different wants and needs. We are each trying to do what is best for our child, who happens to have unique needs different to another person’s child.
We are all eventually going to do something with our kid that another person doesn’t like. And we are going to have things that we owe our children apologies for.
That is okay.
We are human, okay?
Someone’s kid ate his booger today? Not a life threatening issue.
Another kiddo dressed themselves today (and deserves fashion police intervention)? Eh, no harm done.
Another person’s baby stuck his hand down his mom’s shirt and wigged out a complete stranger? They’ll live.
If the situation is not dangerous, please be nice, state your opinion if you must (but as opinion, not law, even if it is fact 😉 ), and then support another mom in doing what she feels is best.
New Crunchy Mom