My latest guest post for Anne Cohen! 5 Reasons To Choose Your Friends Wisely
Hi there! 🙂
I previously mentioned that, as part of the changes around our house in the New Year, Bubba and I will be using a nursing cover soon. That isn’t the only change that we’ve made for 2016 though. While it was a difficult decision and not one that I took lightly, I made the choice to leave the majority of the mommy groups I was a member of on Facebook.
This decision had been a long time in coming. After spending over a year in some of these groups, I had learned everything I needed to know about the dynamics, behaviors and resources that were usually referenced when people asked questions in these groups. While some days, the members of various groups were supportive, informative and encouraging, the majority of the time this was outweighed by unnecessary drama, disrespect, personal attacks and a variety of other behaviors that were less than pleasant to be around.
While making this decision, I heavily consulted my husband. He had witness the way the negativity and fighting within these mommy groups had impacted my health. Not only were these groups affecting me, they were also affecting my relationship with my husband and son.
I would be happy upon waking up in the morning, spend some quality time with New Crunchy Dad and Bubba and then log in to Facebook to check messages. Nearly every time, I would log in to find dozens of fights, harsh accusations (including child abuse over feeding children non-organic food), and husband and children bashing posts (I don’t begrudge someone the occasional complaint to keep sane and sympathize with other ladies, but these went above and beyond that). The rest of the day, I was short-tempered, easily irritated and generally unhappy.
After I told New Crunchy Dad that I planned on thinking things through for a week and then deciding whether to stay or go he said, “You need to be around people with the same values, who build you up. You have enough energy drainers, find groups that are energy givers.”
There was never really a doubt in my mind that I was going to leave, but I wanted it to be a decision that I made logically and thoroughly so that I wouldn’t find myself in this position again.
Here are some of the questions New Crunchy Dad and I considered before I made the decision.
- Has it harmed you or your peace of mind at all recently?
- What have these mommy groups done for you lately? Anything good or worthwhile?
- Do they build people up or tear them down?
- Do they have the same values you do? If they don’t, are they respectful of yours?
- Do you feel bad after spending time in these mommy groups?
- What are the risks and benefits of staying?
- Do you want to leave?
- What’s stopping you from leaving?
After answering all of these questions honestly, I sent some friend requests to people I wanted to stay in touch with and then I took the plunge and left dozens of mommy groups.
My husband is fond of using this quote:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
I don’t want to be the average of people who hate their husbands, children, other women and their lives in general.
It’s been about a week now since I left most of my Facebook mommy groups and I can honestly say, I’ve seen the difference in my health and happiness, and so has New Crunchy Dad. I have no regrets about this decision, in fact, I wish I had done this sooner.
What has your experience been with mommy groups?
New Crunchy Mom